Life

I have not been as diligent as I want to be with these posts. But life is busy. I'm currently studying for my professional engineering license, preparing applications for MBA school, holding down a full-time job, and dealing with weekly doctor's appointments (and the illness and pain and required cooking because of my dietary needs).

Back Troubles

I finally got the results of an MRI that I had on my back. Multiple torn and/or bulging disks. One of the disks is bulging into my central canal (the canal where my spinal cord runs) and pushing my spinal cord, which is causing the pain. At least now I know the cause of the pain.

I have begun multiple treatments - continued acupuncture, water therapy, regular doses of anti-inflamatory drugs, and muscle strengthening. So far, my back feels much better than it did before. I have an appointment with an orthapedist in mid-September. We shall see what he has to say...

Parasites & Nightshades

My feet were cold - something which is unusual for men - but my body was hot. My abdomen previously hurt. I have an excess of heat. These are symptoms. The potential cause - a parasite.

I recently finished taking a course of herbs called Wu Mei San. They tasted horrible. I tried to make a hot tea - awful. I tried to make a cold tea - worse. I tried to pour the powder past my taste buds through a straw - trial failed. I tried to pour the powder past my taste buds via a spoon - trial succeeded, power clogged my throat making it difficult to breathe for what seemed like a minute, powder burned my throat, came out of my nose. I bought some empty gel caps and spent a few hours filling them. Success at last.

My diet was significantly restricted while on the herbs. I hadto eat a bland diet without allergenic foods, fermented foods, foods containing yeasts or mushrooms, all sugars and sweets, and sweet/sour foods such as tomatoes and oranges. I was constantly hungry despite the volume of food that I ate (which was substantial).

While on the diet (and herbs) my energy level skyrocketed. Some nights I did not sleep very well. It didn't matter. I had plenty of energy at work. My acupuncturinst thinks it my be nightshades (tomatoes, eggplant, chilies, tomatillos, potatoes, etc.). I am going to add nightshades to my list of foods not to eat to see if my energy returns. Hopefully, I can get my energy back...

Flickers of Normalcy - In Real Time

I am having flickers of normalcy (energy, no pain, normal stomach) in my life for the first time in 5 years. Last Friday I woke up feeling completely normal. The feeling was short lived, but it was a flicker nonetheless.

The Darkness Lifting - In Real Time

This post may seem to come out of nowhere, as my posts are generally a month or two behind real-time events, but the past two nights I have wanted to cry with joy. Aside from my continuing back troubles, I feel significantly better than I have in the past 5 years. I have more energy, I can focus for long periods of time, my muscles do not ache, my stomach is not constantly upset, and on and on...

It feels like the darkness is lifting. I hope this feeling (and progress) continue.

Hosting Difficulties - In Real Time

Joe, a buddy of mine recently visited for a few days. Company plus glutenous food equals difficult time. The first day we went to Point Loma Seafoods for lunch. Point Loma Seafoods is a crazy and popular fish market in San Diego. Ordering is chaotic. The food deep fried, but delicious. Joe and I went for a hike later that day. My joints, achy, my energy non-existent, my bathroom trips frequent.

Later, we went to Old Town, a living park that mimics early San Diego. We tasted wine. My stomach soured.

We went to the city of Avalon on Catalina, an island off the coast of Los Angeles. We ate seafood and bread. I became nauseated. We listened to a mariachi band at a wedding on our way to Hermit Gulch Campground. They sang "Hey Hey Hey" over and over. We slept underneath the stars. We hiked up the firebreak. We ate cheeseburgers while watching the world cup. We snorkeled. We laid on the beach. I got hot. I got nauseated. I got dizzy. My stomach tensed up, felt as if someone had tied it in a knot and put a clamp on it. I could not eat dinner. My back ached. We went on a flying fish tour. We walked back to the campsite and slept.

We went back to the mainland. I tried to eat gluten-free. We went to the Padres Game and pre-game tour. I was excited to try the new gluten-free stand. But during the pre-game tour, we saw a food service worker heating a burrito on the gluten-free grill. Inadequate food service, as is common. No gluten-free for me.

Joe left. My stomach calmed even though my mind and body remained tired.

Needles, Fishbowls, and Herbs

Let's pretend that you are the sick one for a moment. You've been sick for years with a lot of difficult symptoms. You have been to multiple western doctors and had umpteen loads (a very precise number) of tests. All of your normal doctors tell you you are a normal and healthy human being. You know you are not. And I know that you are not. Fortunately for you, I have a friend who thinks they can help. This person practices acupuncture. Because I think you deserve to know what you're getting into, I decide to tell you how your journey will begin.

First, my friend is going to make you undress and get into a paper nightgown. Then she will take your pulses. This is not western medicine, where you and I are familiar with one pulse. This is acupuncture where you have multiple pulses, all taken at about the same location on your arm. Then, my friend is going to evaluate your tongue. It may look swollen or a slightly wrong shade of red, but don't worry that is treatable. But here's where your journey gets really interesting. After the evaluation my friend is going to stick needles in you. Not just one or two, but maybe two dozen. The needles don't hurt, but you are very aware that they are in your shins and hands and feet and arms. My friend leaves you; you begin to feel a little drugged and eventually nod off to sleep until my friend comes back over an hour later. You turn over onto your stomach. In go more needles. They are up and down either parts of your spine, in your neck, in the backs of your legs. After another hour you are done. My friend tells you that you may be ill after the first treatment. And you are. That evening you can barely lift your head. You are nauseated. You ache. Your muscles feel heavy and tired. Your digestive system is upset. You feel feverish. It will last an entire week, but don't worry, you have another acupuncture appointment the following week, after which you will be ill again. Again, don't worry. Soon my friend will also give you herbs (all legal, of course) and then heat very tiny fishbowls and put them on your back to such out all of the toxins.

If you grew up with traditional western medicine, then by now you probably think I'm crazy. But here's the thing - acupuncture has been around for thousands of years; and it is a central method of health care for hundreds of millions of people. It also happens to be covered by your health insurance. So why not give it a try?

Tailbone Pain - In Real Time

I have had on and off tailbone pain for about 9 months (despite rounds of professionally monitored physical therapy and osteopathic manipulations and individually monitored stretching and strengthening). This week, the pain was unbearable. It felt (and feels) like a vice is slowly crushing my tailbone (vertically). And almost nothing I do helps. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't sit comfortably, I couldn't focus at work. I am beginning to wonder if my tailbone isn't broken.

Celiac Disease & The Beginning of Food Therapy

June 2006, San Diego -

I had been ill for about a year. Multiple courses of drugs had been unhelpful. A long-shot potential diagnosis - Celiac Disease. No insurance. No blood test. No problem.

Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disease. The way it works - man ingests gluten(a protein found in wheat, barley, rye and oats), immune system attacks gluten, intestine is damaged in the ensuing battle, damaged intestine can't absorb nutrients, nutrient deficiencies produce illness.

The treatment for Celiac Disease - diet. I was desperate. I stopped eating all things gluten. Two weeks passed. I did not feel well, but I did feel better. My teeth stopped aching. My muscles stopped aching. The night sweats were less. It was the first relief I experienced. It was the beginning of my experimentation with food therapy, the only therapy to have any effect on my health in the five years of illness.

The Depths of Illness - Brain Fog

It is 2005. I am sitting next to my father in a doctor's office. A diagnostic specialist is asking me questions. I stumble through answers. It is difficult to put together a sentence. I cannot think of common words or in what order they are supposed to go. The chronology of events is mixed up in my head. I cannot remember the names of drugs I've already taken. I cannot remember the names of places that I had been. I cannot remember all of my symptoms. Brain fog is preventing me from accessing certain parts of my memory, speech, logical thinking, creativity, and more. This is not an isolated incident. This is my new life.

I am interviewing for Engineering job in 2006. The interviewer is asking me typical questions. What is your greatest strength? I have prepared an answer for this questions, but I cannot remember what it is. My brain seems slow. I stumble through an answer. They ask another question. I cannot think of a reply. I finally answer something incoherent. I do not get the job. I do not blame the company. I would not hire me either.

I am working as an engineer. It is my second day. I am in my bosses office. He gives me an assignment. I walk back to my desk. I sit down to do the assignment. I cannot remember what I am supposed to do. I struggle to remember what had been asked of me not two minutes prior. I cannot remember. I go back to my boss and ask him to repeat the assignment. It is embarrassing. I wonder how long I will be employed.

It is 2007. I am taking the Fundamentals of Engineering (FE) exam. The morning has gone relatively well. Lunchtime changes everything. My brain starts to shut down while eating my peanut butter and apples. I think about taking a nap but decide against. The second half of the test begins. I start reading and answering questions. I am hot. I start to sweat. I lose focus. My brain feels like mush. I cannot remember any of the concepts and formulas that I have been studying for six months. I reread the same question over and over again. It is no use. My brain is misfiring. I close the test booklet and leave. This is my life...

Memorial Day - In Real Time

I had acupuncture for the first time the Friday before Memorial Day. It was interesting. I was sick afterward - actually I'm still sick. Stomach pains. Neck stiffness. Fatigue. Frequent Urination. Digestive Issues. Poor sleep.

Despite the sickness, I walked (I usually walk a few miles a day). On Memorial Day Ingrid and I walked to the beach, where a bunch of friends were playing volleyball.

I sat and watched. I did not feel like talking. Illness consumes my mind. And I can sense that illness is as depressing for other (healthy) people to hear about as it is to experience. It makes it difficult to relate to other people. At least I have Ingrid...

Acupuncture Begins

On 5/28 I went to my first acupuncture appointment. The diagnosis was foreign. I had too much heat. I was damp. My triple heater pulse was weak. The solution - boost my immune system.

Needles went in my legs, feet, arms, and hands. I felt anxious, then like I was drugged. Close to two hours passed. The needles came out. I rolled over onto my stomach. Needles went in my neck, down my back, and in my feet. Again, I felt drugged. Another hour passed. The needles came out.

I was warned that I might be sick. I was. I was tired, nauseated, groggy, light-headed, thirsty. My digestive system crashed. It lasted for the entire week.

The Depths of Illness - Irritability

2005 - Present:

Ingrid is living in Boston. I am visiting. She comes home after work. I'm sitting on the couch. She leans over to kiss me. I pull away. My face is sensitive. I'm hot. I'm annoyed. I have no idea why. Nothing bad happened. I felt good relative to how I normally feel. Ingrid tries to talk to me. I am annoyed by the questions about my day. It is difficult for me to answer. I want to tell her to leave me alone. I know I am being irrational, but I can't break my mood. It lasts for days on end.

My mood spills over into work. I grumble under my breath when asked to do anything. My boss, who is friends Ingrid, notices and asks how I'm doing. I can't stand the questions. One morning I show up to work at the time my boss asked. He shows up a few minutes later. I am irate that he was the slightest bit late. I struggle to keep my anger under control.

Ingrid and I move to San Diego. I look for a job without success. Ingrid tries to make suggestions. I can't believe her audacity. We argue. We start to cook in our small kitchen. I do not feel well. My abdomen hurts. I cannot think straight. At some point, I want to move from here to there but Ingrid is in my way. I ask her to move but am too impatient to wait for her to respond. I shove her aside. She runs off crying.

Ingrid and I fly to New Zealand. I get ill. Ingrid takes care of me. I resent the care. She asks me how I am. I resent the questions. She brings me dinner. I resent the food. We go to the hospital. I am irritated with the doctors. I can't make decisions. I feel helpless.

I cannot control the irritability. It comes. It goes. I feel guilty for being annoyed and acting childish. I feel like I'm pushing people away. I don't know how to stop.

Yoga Bliss

Shortly after a doctor confirmed that I had a neck injury, my wife and I debated paying for yoga classes. We looked at yoga studios and gyms. They were expensive, and I doubted that I would have the energy and motivation to go. In-house yoga, that I could do whenever I wanted with minimal energy, was preferred. We tried videos. We stopped trying videos. We tried the Nintendo Wii Fit Plus yoga program. Jackpot.

My goal was to do all 18 yoga exercises (for a total of 36 minutes) every day for two months.

The first week was amazing. My back loosened up and my energy level skyrocketed. I felt better, looser, and freer, even though I didn't have enough flexibility to do some of the poses properly. My hamstrings, back, and IT band - extraordinarily tight. Poses like the Triangle, Downward Dog, Sun Salutation - difficult. But they felt good. The tree pose stretched my spine in a way I had never felt. My outlook - very optimistic.

Weeks two through four continued with much of the same optimism. My neck felt much stronger than it did before I started. The pain in the right side of my pelvis lessened. My flexibility noticeably increased. I could focus at work. In the first three weeks, I gained four inches of flexibility in my back and legs(when trying to touch my toes). In week four, I actually touched my toes, something I had not been able to do in over a decade. My optimism skyrocketed until the beginning of week five...

The Road to Stretching

When I was younger, I rarely stretched. When I was 22, my lower back began to hurt (strained back) from mountain biking. I went to physical therapy. The treatment - strengthening and stretching. When I was 24 my knee began to hurt (IT Band Syndrome) from training for a marathon. I went to physical therapy. The treatment - strengthening and stretching. When I was 25 my feet and knees began to hurt (IT Band Syndrome) from hiking the Appalachian Trail. I went to physical therapy. The treatment - strengthening and stretching. When I was 29 my back, hips, and knees (locked sacrum, misaligned spine) began to hurt from playing beach volleyball. I went to physical therapy. The treatment - strengthening and stretching. The causes and locations of pain were different. The treatments were the same. But the treatments were temporary and not cures.

My last physical therapy began in August of 2009, after suffering for over a month with back, hip, and knee pain (from beach volleyball). I knew that tight muscles were one of the main contributors. I told my physical therapist that I wanted to focus on stretching. After his evaluation he prescribed a treatment of 10 minutes of stretching followed by 50 of strengthening. It was the roughly the same treatment I had received for nearly every other injury. It no longer made sense to me. I thought that I should have been stretching for 50 minutes and strengthening for 10. I went to physical therapy for three months without relief. I stopped going.

I now believe I was stuck in a cycle of injury throughout my entire active life. I exercised until tight muscles promoted injury. Once injured, I went to physical therapy. Inside and outside of physical therapy, I mostly strengthened (which tightens muscles further) and minimally stretched. My flexibility did not change. Zero increased flexibility led to frustration. Frustration led to a stop in stretching. A stop in stretching led to more injuries. More injuries led to more physical therapy. More physical therapy led to more emphasis on strengthening (tightening of muscles), thus ensuring the completed cycle.

I suspected stretching as a missing link in my continued health after my second IT band injury. At the time, I asked my physical therapist how to properly stretch my IT band. His response - "there aren't any good stretches". I took him at his word. He was the professional, after all. But the more I experienced, the more I learned that most people (especially professionals) are limited by their own experience.

To test my theories, I have taken matters into my own hands. In January, I began doing yoga...

Strengthening, Stretching, and Cardio

The three core components of exercise - strengthening, stretching, and cardio.

Sacramento Blues - In Real Time

I recently went to a conference for work in Sacramento, CA. The conference was for the California Water and Environment Association (CWEA), an organization of wastewater treatment professionals. My goal was to balance the consequences of deviating from my diet with the benefits of socializing and doing business on the road. The socializing and business - accomplished. Striking a balance - failed.

The first morning, I had milk, orange juice, and a banana - very nearly the only gluten- and egg-free choices at the continental breakfast at my hotel. So far so good, but not nearly enough calories to get me through a morning of listening to speakers. Lunch - pasta, meatballs, and salad - was provided by the conference. I skipped the pasta, but the meatballs surely had gluten (and probably eggs). For the rest of the day I walked around in a daze, trying to pay attention at talks and be polite and attentive to those I stopped to chat with. I'm sure I faked feeling well pretty good, but I paid for it later that night with nearly five hours of stomach pains and an inability to sleep. The next day was not much better. Breakfast at the hotel, lunch at an awards luncheon, and then a beer with my boss before the flight home took my body into a tailspin. My neck started to ache on the flight home, and I became anxious - barely able to sit still. I wanted to sleep but couldn't. In the middle of the night, I woke up feverish. The night remained difficult.

The question of how I can integrate traveling, business, and socialization with my dietary needs remains...

A Few Observations About Food

A few observations about food:

(1) Most socialization happens over food or drinks;
(2) Business is often conducted over food or drinks; and
(3) Maintaining a multifaceted diet while traveling is difficult.

While I am becoming more adept at dealing with each of these individually, business, socializing, and traveling are much more difficult to balance with my diet when combined.

Overstretching - In Real Time

My hips were tight. I started to stretch them a few weeks ago. They became tighter. It didn't make sense. I spent a few hour reading up on stretching. It turns out that muscles instinctively contract to (among other reasons) protect injuries to tendons and ligaments.

Too much stretching (duration and/or depth) caused injuries to my ligaments and/or tendons, which caused tighter muscles.

New Beginning - In Real Time

This week was a good one. My back pain was less. I did not loath waking up. I had energy at and after work. Hopefully, this is the new beginning...

My Alternative Road

The four aspects to my alternative road:

(1) Exercise
(2) Diet
(3) Fasting
(4) Acupuncture

More to come on these...

Stretching and Toxins - In Real Time

I have added two new stretches to my yoga routine, targeting muscles on the back of my legs. Since beginning to stretch my pelvis, I have been more ill than usual. I am beginning to wonder if my additional stretching is releasing toxins into my body and causing nausea and sleeplessness.

Yosemite and Hookworms - In Real Time

Just got back from a trip to Yosemite. The drive there - nearly unbearable. My back - in agony. My stomach - fragile. The weather - cold and rainy. The scenery - inspiring.

Day one, I woke up nauseated. Ingrid and I hiked around the valley floor. We saw few people but incredible views - waterfalls, rivers, massive granite cliffs, meadows, birds, and deer. By mile eight, my back was nearly in spasm. We rested, stretched, then went to dinner at the Yosemite Lodge. The Yosemite Lodge has a fairly extensive gluten-free menu (a condensed version of their normal menu). The food - overrated. My Caesar salad was extraordinarily average and my ribeye was tough and poorly seasoned. I went back to the tent nauseated. More stretching, in bed by 8.

Day two, I woke up nauseated. We hiked up the mist and John Muir trail. Our goal - Nevada Falls. We made it to Clark's Point, some 2 miles from Nevada on account of my back. In the valley we went to the Ahwahnee Dining room for lunch. This was supposed to be an amazing restaurant. I had fried calamari and a club sandwich. Both had too much bread and were poorly seasoned. The club sandwich was like eating lard. The price - exorbitant. I went back to the tent nauseated.

On our way home today, my back remained in agony. I remained nauseated. However, an interesting segment on NPR (This American Life) caught my ear. The piece was about parasites. After discussing the effects that some parasites have on insects and fish, the piece switched to an interesting segment on the potentially beneficial relationship between hookworms and autoimmune diseases (Celiac Disease, Allergies, Asthma, Crone's Disease, etc.) in humans.

I could not do justice to the NPR piece, so please click here to hear the fascinating piece.

Death, Travelling, and Illness - In Real Time

My grandfather died on March 13. My wife and I flew east for the funeral a few days later. This was my first flight since my back pains began. I took a pillow to cushion my tailbone. It didn't help. By hour two pain radiated upward. By hour three the pain had spread into either side of my butt and down my legs. It felt like molten iron was being poured into my nerves in small batches. I gritted my teeth and suffered.

In Pennsylvania there was no rest. The family was exhausted from the months-long decline of my grandfather and mourning. My wife and I jumped in to help and grieve. We ran errands and traveled to see family. Cooking all meals - impossible. Finding a restaurant that could accommodate my diet - impossible. There was little choice. I ate gluten and eggs and the other things that I know make me ill. It did not seem to matter.

The days preceding the funeral felt endless. Emotionally, it felt like slowly marching toward a cliff from which there was no return. I lingered in memory for those few days. I did not want to say goodbye. I marched on.

My wife and I flew back to San Diego on a Tuesday. I eased back onto my diet and returned to regular yoga. But the Friday after we returned, sickness came. Irritation, poor sleep, nausea, anxiety, headaches, fatigue, muscle pain marred my days and nights, still mar my days and nights. This morning (it is around 3 AM) is the first time I have had the energy and focus to write. There's not much more to say...

Abdomen Pain - In Real Time

I now see an Osteopath on a regular basis. Osteopaths are medical doctors who are trained to diagnose and cure ailments according to the "inter-relationship of the body's nerves, muscles, bones and organs"*. This type of medicine is generally more hands-on and holistic that traditional western medicine.

During the visits, my doctor and I talk about my long- and short-term health issues as my doctor manipulates my body. In my last visit, we talked about my attempt at a raw foods diet and how horrible I felt after starting to eat nuts and large amounts of citrus. I told my doctor that I was suspicious of of the nuts and citrus causing my abdomen pain and twitching eye, but that I was unsure. I told him that the abdomen pain only decreased while not sitting in my chair at work and while doing yoga. He suggested that my abdomen pain might be related to my back issues.

It has been over three weeks since I stopped eating nuts and over a week since I stopped eating citrus. I still have abdomen pain and eye twitches; but I have been charting them with my continuing back/hip pain and tightness. As of now, it looks promising that the abdomen pain is related to my back/hip issues.

In addition to doing yoga, I have started (painfully) deep stretching of my hips and pelvis. We shall see...

*http://www.osteopathic.org/index.cfm?PageID=ost_main

The Depths of Illness - Fatigue

It started on the Appalachian Trail (AT). I had been hiking upwards of 20 miles a day. A good hiking pace on the AT is around 3 miles an hour, meaning a 20 mile day would take somewhere south of 7 hours (not including breaks). For long-distance hikers, 7 hours of hiking is fairly enjoyable when you start early in the morning. But if you don't start early in the morning, 7 hours of hiking is much less enjoyable.

I don't remember when my mileage started to drop. But I do remember that it started when I no longer began hiking in the early morning. I remember being tired - too tired to wake up with the sun. I delayed getting out of [sleeping] bag until hours after the sun rose. When I finally did get up, I plodded around the campsite, delaying departure, for as long as I dared. Then, when I started to hike my muscles felt heavy, my feet ached, and my shoulders burned. Trekking up and down the mountain trail, over rocks and roots, through meadow and forest, seemed endless. A mile seemed like ten. Ten seemed like an eternity. I stopped to take naps in the middle of the day. I woke up groggy with many miles yet to go. I would usually push on. My mileage dropped to somewhere south of 15 miles per day. It would have dropped further had I not gotten off the trail to rest at my parents house in Gettysburg.

During the time I spent resting and looking for a cause to and treatment for my illness the fatigue was more bearable, but it did not get better. I had no schedule to keep, so I could wake up when I wanted, take naps when I wanted, lay around when I wanted. But after a month or so of rest and significant medical consultation there was no confirmed diagnosis. I could not lay around my parents house forever. Life had to go on.

To be closer to my girlfriend, I took a job installing solar panels in the north east. Once again, I had a schedule. No more sleeping in. No more naps. I woke up early. I slunk around like a sloth. I climbed ladders and lifted 100 lb. solar panels. My muscles weakened. Lifting and climbing became harder. My muscles felt like were filled with concrete that was slowly hardening. At the end of the day, I could do no more than lay down. Cooking dinner, nearly impossible. Bed time became earlier and earlier. The extra sleep didn't help.

On the weekends, there was a little relief. I could sleep in and take naps. My girlfriend wanted to do things - go for walks, go out to see bands, go hiking, go to the farmer's market, go to the beach, go cross-country skiing. I didn't. I wanted to be immobile. We did as much as I could bare. But our outings rarely lasted more than an hour or two before I was too tired to continue. My girlfriend understood that I was not well. She was gracious and accommodating. I felt guilty. I wanted to give her more. I couldn't.

In January of 2006, my girlfriend and I moved to San Diego. I got an engineering job. The fatigue continued, only now the fatigue in my body was mirrored in my mind. I could think and rationalize and remember, but not for prolonged periods of time. Mornings were best. Afternoons were difficult. My focus would drift. My eyes would become heavy. Working was nearly impossible. I faked my way through it, often saving drafting (mostly mindless) for the afternoon. At the end of the day, I could do no more than lay down. Cooking dinner, nearly impossible. Bed time remained early. Sleep didn't help. Making friends was virtually impossible. I remained at home while my girlfriend went out. I slept while the world moved.

Difficult Weeks - In Real Time

What a difficult couple of weeks. My energy level - low. Waking up - difficult. My lower back - in pain. My hips - tight, aching. My calves - tight, aching. My left eye - constantly twitching. My abdomen - burning. Focusing at work - a struggle. The symptoms - ever-present. I made a few dietary changes - no more nuts and citrus. We'll see if they help.

In Real Time

My original intent was to write about my trials when I had a chance to thoughtfully reflect on my experiences. However, this week was tough and reminded me that it is difficult to write when ill. In order to capture (and provide me an outlet for) some of the tougher times, I've decided to add a segment called In Real Time.

In Real Time will document select thoughts and events as they happen. More to come...

The Depths of Illness

The emotional and physical toll of illness cannot easily be understood by those who have not had a similar experience. This is the rationale that I prefer to attribute to my doctor's inability to understand what I am going through.

The Depths of Illness is a new series in this blog that will attempt to relate the deep interference that particular symptoms can have on one's life. More to come...

The Bridge to Alternative Medicine

In December, 2009, I asked my new doctor for help with my long-term health issues. He agreed. He asked for time to review my entire medical history. I agreed and scheduled a follow-up in January. My follow-up appointment came. I filled in holes in the medical history with anecdotal stories.

I had been hiking the Appalachian Trail in 2005 when my illness began. My abdomen started to hurt in North Carolina. I stopped in Franklin, NC. I ate a pizza. I threw up. I continued hiking. My feet began to ache. My shoulders started to ache. It was nothing unusual for long-distance hiking, I thought. I reached Damascus and rested for two days. It did not help. I hiked on. I reached the Virginia Highlands. I took pictures of wild ponies. I took an afternoon nap. It did not help. I had a fever. I went to bed early. One night, in the middle of the night, I woke up in a sweat, nauseated, and having to use the toilet. I scrambled to get my shoes on, grab my headlamp, and run out of the shelter. Within fifteen feet of the shelter, I crashed to the ground, landing in a pile of rocks beside a bush. After a minute, my head cleared. I stood and stumbled through the darkness. Dizziness came. Darkness came. I crashed to the ground. The stars came through the darkness. They were spinning. They stopped. I stood. I walked on. The toilet was on top of a platform. There were no walls. The wind blew. I began to shiver. I began to freeze. I stumbled back to the shelter. I woke up the next morning unable to eat. I hiked fifteen miles to the nearest road, rested for two days, and continued hiking. Another week in the woods. Another hundred miles. More dizziness. More fever. New aches and pains. I stopped in Pearisburg, Virginia. I called my parents. They drove down from Gettysburg the next day. They took me home. I rested. I did not get better.

My doctor listened patiently to my stories, to the beginning of my symptoms. When I was done, I told him about a few new symptoms - a bitter taste in my mouth, sharper abdomen pain. He nodded. He sat back in his chair and took a deep breath. Everyone has different filters, he began. I nodded. I wondered where he was going. Multitudes of illnesses known to man manifest themselves in a small number of symptoms, he continued. He said my symptoms were not consistent with illnesses that were known. He said that my filter was too sensitive. He said that I was complaining of too many symptoms. He said that I needed to learn to ignore most, if not all of my symptoms. He said that my tests showed that I was normal, that my symptoms were a normal part of growing older.

I was baffled. My doctor was telling me that my lack of energy after work, my abdomen pains, my inability to focus, my headaches, my tonsil stones, the bitter taste in my mouth, my brain fog, my frequent urination, and all the rest of my symptoms were all a natural part of growing old. He was telling me that my five years of illness were not real. He was telling me that I was too sensitive to pain. He didn't understand the depths of my illness, the depression, the struggles with brain fog, the muscle pain, the fatigue. I was infuriated. I left. I stopped believing that western medicine could and would eventually find a diagnosis for my ailment.

Definitions

For the sake of simplicity...

Western medicine - scientifically proven medicine.

Alternative medicine - medicine that is not scientifically proven.

The Limitations of Western Medicine

Tests that I've had: Abdominal CT Scan with contrast, Abdominal CT Scan without Contrast, Pelvic CT Scan with contrast, Pelvic CT Scan without contrast, Abdominal MRI with contrast, Abdominal MRI without contrast, Pelvic MRI with contrast, Pelvic MRI without contrast, Prostate Exam, neurological exams, blood tests, stool tests, urine tests.

Things I've been tested for: Lyme Disease, Diabetes, Celiac Disease, Food Allergies, HIV, RPR, Chlamydia, EB virus, Typhus, RMSF, West Nile Virus, Ehrlichia, rare bacterias, Giardia, Cryptosporidium, and more.

Drugs I've taken: Ciproflaxen, Metronidazole, Levaquin, Flagyl, Zithromax, and Doxycycline.

All of this could not cure me. While I do believe that western medicine is one of the greatest tools in diagnosing and curing ailments, it is not without limitations. A few of these limitations include but are not limited to (1) Diagnostic tests can have false positives and false negatives, (2) All ailments are not defined, (3) Treatments have not been developed or proven for numerous ailments, (4) Existing treatments are not 100% effective, (5) Some treatments cause more problems than they solve, and (6) The economics of diagnosis and treatment is sometimes prohibitive.

My diagnosis and treatment was not limited by economics; nor was it limited by physician resources; it was limited by knowledge. My father ran out of illnesses to test for and specialists to consult. All medical tests that I've had been subjected to over the past couple years have pronounced me a normal, healthy 30-year-old male.  It took years for me to contemplate and rationalize why western medicine pronounced me healthy when I was anything but.  In an attempt to help shorten that time frame for others who are suffering, I have started a new series in this blog titled The Limitations of Western Medicine, which will expand on particular reasons why western medicine fails.

Disclaimer

Before I get too far into this blog, I'd like to say that I began my "alternative road to health" experiments in early January 2010. I didn't think to write a blog until a friend suggested that there may be others who may connect with my struggles with health and the hope of a better tomorrow. So it was in mid February that I began this blog (helped by my journals).

The disclaimer: blog entries will trail my actual experiences by at least a month.

New Year's Eve

My head injury occurred on October 25. Typically, concussions take between 4-6 weeks to clear up. A small percentage linger on for longer, sometimes indefinitely. At Christmas, my concussion was not better. I was tired of feeling ill.

My parents treated my wife and I to a big band concert at the Majestic Theater in downtown Gettysburg. The music was decent. I felt like dancing. My wife and I braved the dance floor at the beginning of the second set. Within seconds, my mouth fell dry. We continued to dance. At the end of the song, I could barely breath. We sat down. I could barely contain the cough of a dry throat that water could not quench. My head hurt. My heart beat thumped at the top of my neck, where spine meets skull. I barely heard another note of music for the rest of the evening. That evening I had a revelation. My concussion was also a neck injury. When in New Zealand, I would wake up, my neck on fire. Back in the states, I couldn't move my neck without pain while driving. A neck injury was the only thing that made sense.

I went back to my doctor. He said that I most likely had a neck injury. I should move and strengthen my neck to fix a neck injury. I started to do yoga at home. I also went to see a new doctor, an Osteopath. After ten minutes, my new doctor confirmed that I had two strained vertebrae. Our conversation wandered. We talked about my long-term issues - food intolerance, abdominal pains, fatigue, and everything else that I had been going through. He suggested acupuncture. I wasn't sold. But I did begin to think about alternative means to health.

The Phantom Illness

I had been ill for nearly five years. With what I do not know. My symptoms, many. Confirmed diagnosis, none. It's not for lack of trying. My father is a physician, one of the best in the world in my opinion. When I fell ill in 2005, I received the best medical treatment available. I had blood and other tests galore. I was referred to some of the best specialists around. At long last, I was clinically diagnosed with Lyme's Disease and Giardia. Just to be clear, a clinical diagnosis is not one that is confirmed by blood or other testing; it is a one based on the best available data, which in my case was circumstances plus symptoms.

The Circumstances: Long-distance hiking on the Appalachian Trail, multiple deer tick bites, symptoms consistent with Lyme's Disease.

The Symptoms: Brain fog, fatigue, achy joints, frequent urination, muscle twitches, abdomen pain, insatiable thirst, blurred vision, depression, muscle tightness, aching teeth, tonsil stones, sun sensitivity, night sweats, chills, uncontrollable hiccups, stomach aches, bloating.

But after a few months and multiple courses of drugs, I was still ill. A new potential diagnosis - Post Lyme's Disease Syndrome. Untreatable. Another potential diagnosis - Celiac Disease. The treatment - stop eating wheat. I stopped eating wheat. There was some improvement. I stopped eating dairy. A bit more improvement. I stopped eating most of everything else. A bit more improvement. But not total improvement. I was still unable to function like a normal human being. My energy levels remained low. It was almost impossible for me to make it through an entire day without needing a nap. I didn't have enough energy to socialize or do anything after more active than lay on the couch after work. My abdomen hurt. My thirst was not quenched. Tonsil stones were still present. I was not better.

Then, life became more difficult. My wife and I went on vacation to New Zealand. Two days in, I got a virus, passed out on my way to the bathroom, and slammed my head on a table on my way to the ground, sustaining a concussion. I was now unable to walk more than a half mile without getting a headache and nausea. I was fatigued. I was unable to focus without getting a migraine. Work was nearly unbearable. My back ached constantly. Then, a new issue - my stomach started to hurt. I loathed food, and yet I ate more. I went to see my doctor. I told him all of my ills. He asked minimal questions. He tested nothing. He offered no suggestions for therapy or treatment. He only asked me to come back in a few weeks for a check-up. I felt abandoned.

My thirtieth birthday came. I spent it in a dark room on the floor. I had eaten too much for breakfast. I felt greasy and bloated; I didn't want to eat; I was hungry and full; my body was conflicted.

My disgust with on that day led to an unusual decision. I decided to do a 72-hour water fast. Nothing to eat but water. That night, after an uncomfortable dinner, I started. The next day, I stopped. My day had been good until sometime after lunch, when a headache kicked in and stayed and got worse. I had dinner. I felt worse. I began my fast again. This time, I had a significant amount of energy on the first night of my fast and was not tempted to eat. But on the second night my headache returned. But feeling that I had accomplished what I set out to do (cure my stomach pains), I returned to food that night, first liquids (some chicken broth and apple juice), then raw foods (a piece of celery). As hoped, my stomach pains were gone. My energy level skyrocketed for a few days. And for the first time in nearly five years, I gained a glimmer of hope for future health.